Stuff That Comes With Having A Disability

Because "disability never just is".

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An Open Letter to Ms Magazine Blog

"I’m pretty angry about that. Not offended, Ms Magazine, angry. You see, I’m really tired of “the disabled” being treated like we’re unthinking masses. I’m especially tired of the feminist movement – you know, one that allegedly wants equal rights for all people, including women with disabilities – doing this. It makes me angry because I’m a feminist as well as a woman as well as a person with a disability as well as someone who is not the pawn of anyone, thank you very much."

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Relating to Roosevelt's Sister

My recent change of self-perception and awakening to the disability rights movement has set me on a learning spree. All of a sudden I'm discovering some of the best blogs on disability, activists, writers and scholars (not only online but also few I am finding myself reaching out to) dealing with disability issues, and a new interest (not just interest, facination as well) in the field of disability studies. I want to do M.A. in it, preferably from TISS because they are one of the few universities in India that offer the course, they seem to be more accommodating of PWDs and it's worth. I'm actually relieved that the passion to do something for others like me is building up more than the fear of likely resistance I will have to deal with when presenting the wish to my parents. In a rather obvious yet strange way, I'm discovering myself. And seeing everything about me or what I've been through, finally, from a different angle - my side. The side of silenced voices, the 'special' children, the intitutionalised 'threats', the receivers of 'be exceptional or be dead' attitudes...and those challenging the status quo.

So when I read Rosmarie Garland Thomson's essay "Roosevelt's Sister: Why We Need Disability Studies in the Humanities", it was something that I could relate to in many places. Taking Judith Shakespeare from Virginia Woolf's famous book A Room of One's Own, she creates a similiar character, Judith Roosevelt, who has cerebral palsy and is the sister of Franklin Delano Roosevelt. In a clear and realistic way, her life is narrated both in the traditional setting and contemporary period.

Virginia Woolf is probably our greatest modernist writer and our most creative feminist thinker. In Woolf's 1928 collection of feminist essays, A Room of One's Own she, invents a character she calls Judith Shakespeare, the imaginary sister of the famous playwright, who is equally creative and ambitious as her brother. In her amusing, but instructive essay, Woolf uses the figure of Judith Shakespeare to show the social constrictions women who wanted to write faced. Woolf invents Judith, who as Woolf has it, must stay home to care for the family while her ambitious brother Will goes off to school and then to London to try his hand at theater, and the rest is history for him. Dutifully, Judith obeys until her father plans to marry her to an odious neighbor. When she refuses, he beats her, and she runs away to the London stage door to offer her talents, where they are rejected. She becomes pregnant by a charming fellow actor she meets that first day. Disgraced, Judith dies alone in childbirth and is buried in an unmarked grave.

I'll offer here another figure to think through the social constrictions facing disabled women. Following Woolf, my heroine will be Judith as well. But this is not Judith Shakespeare; rather this is Judith... Roosevelt, the younger sister of Franklin Delano Roosevelt.

continue reading here..

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Beauty And Women With Disabilities

This noteworthy paper written by Francine Odette gives a good insight into cultural standards/expectations on beauty and the position of women with disabilities in it. Excerpt:  

Body Beautiful/Body Perfect: Challenging the Status Quo:

Where Do Women With Disabilities Fit In?

 

Francine Odette, M.S.W., DisAbled Women’s Network

“

With a body that doesn’t ‘measure up’, we learn pretty quickly what our culture wants from women” – The New Our Bodies Ourselves

When I was approached to write about the issue of body image and its impact on women with disabilities, the invitation brought with it a chance to explore the link between fat-oppression and the experiences of women with disabilities. Unfortunately, little research has been conducted on this issue, which may reflect the belief that the lived experiences of many women with disabilities are not important, nor perceived as valid by mainstream researchers.

I do not represent the experiences of all women with disabilities regarding the issues of body image and self-perception; however, over the years I have listened to the stories of many women with a range of disabilities. This includes women whose disabilities include being non-verbal, mobility, hard of hearing and/or visual impairments. Many of these women spoke of their lives and how they have begun to deal with some of their concerns around body image and selfperception. While recognizing that the issues for women with disabilities may vary from those of non-disabled women, our lives, experiences and fears are very similar.

Cultural standards of beauty

Women are identified socially with their bodies. For women living in Western culture, thinness is often equated with health and success. We are taught early to be conscious of our body shape, size, weight and physical attributes. The current cultural “norm” or ideal is unattainable for most women. Fat women, women with disabilities, women from particular racial or ethnic groups or with non-heterosexual orientation, and other women who do not conform to the prescribed “norm” of social desirability are viewed as having experiences and attributes somewhat different from that of other women in this culture and as a result are often isolated.

Women with disabilities living in this society are not exempt from the influence of messages that attempt to dictate what is desirable and what is undesirable in a woman. These messages are often internalized, and they have an impact on how we see ourselves. The further we view ourselves from the popular standard of beauty, the more likely our self-image will suffer. We may experience a greater need to gain control over our bodies, either by our own efforts of restrictive eating and exercising, or the intrusive procedures performed by those deemed to be the “experts”—the medical profession.

We form images of ourselves early in infancy and these are confirmed or altered by the responses, or evaluations, made by others.

Based on physical judgments, women with disabilities hear various messages from family, friends and society-at-large about our perceived inability to participate in the roles that are usually expected of women. Society believes that lack of physical attractiveness, as defined by the dominant culture, hampers our ability to be intimate. These misperceptions hamper our ability to get beyond our physical differences, perpetuate body-image dissatisfaction and contribute to eating problems.

Invisible or distorted lives

Within this culture, having a disability is viewed negatively. This notion is supported by the fact that the lives of women with different disabilities are not reflected in the media. We are invisible. However, when our lives are spoken of, they are distorted through romantic or bizarre portrayals of childlike dependency, monster-like anger and super-human feats. This increases the discomfort of others when in contact with women with disabilities, which in turn perpetuates the sense of “otherness” that women may feel.

As women and individuals with disabilities, the messages that we receive often indicate the lack of role expectations for us. For young girls with disabilities, the invisibility of our lives becomes reinforced by the fact that much of popular advertising implies the belief that the “normal” body is that which is desirable. Once these messages become internalized and reinforced, young girls and women with disabilities may try to compensate for their disabilities by striving to look as close to the non-disabled “norm” as possible. Similar to many non-disabled women’s experiences, some girls and women with different disabilities may try to hide their bodies or change how their bodies look. Comfort and health may be sacrificed as we attempt to move

closer to the realm of what the “normal” body appears to be, by manipulating our bodies through continuous dieting, plucking, shaving, cutting and constricting.

Much feminist theory has been focused on identifying the reality that within Western culture women’s bodies are objectified for the purpose of male pleasure and domination. As a result, women’s perceptions of themselves and their bodies become distorted. We are taught to mistrust our own experience and judgment about desirability and acceptance. These qualities are defined by the dominant culture. They are socially and economically defined by those in power—white, able-bodied, heterosexual men. Within this context, the body becomes a commodity with which one may bargain in order to obtain more desirable opportunities, e.g., work or security.

Objectification by the medical profession

Feminist analysis identifies women’s alienation from themselves and their bodies as a result of the objectification of the female body. However, a great deal of feminist analysis may not be reflective of all women’s experience. The way in which women’s bodies are portrayed, as commodities in the media, may not be a reality for many women labelled “disabled.” In reflecting societal beliefs regarding disability, our bodies become objectified for the purposes of domination, but within a different context.

 

Traditionally, disability, whether visible or invisible, has tended to be viewed as something that is undesirable. Whether we are born with our disability or acquire it later, our bodies become objectified by the medical process. Medical examinations are often undertaken by groups of male doctors, who despite their aura of “professionalism,” are still perceived by the client as a group of anonymous men. Regular routines such as dressing ourselves, or other activities, are observed by doctors while on their “rounds,” as this is seen as an excellent training of new doctors.

Many of us recount our experiences, as young children, of having to display our bodies to groups of male doctors in the guise of “medical treatment” without prior knowledge or consent. We may have been asked to strip, to walk back and forth in front of complete strangers so that they could get a better view of what the physical “problem” is, or to manually manipulate our limbs to determine flexibility and dexterity.

Today, pictures or videos are taken of us and used as educational tools for future doctors, with little thought given to our needs to have control over what happens to our bodies or who sees us. While the medical profession attempts to maintain control over our bodies, some women with disabilities may attempt to regain control through dieting, bingeing or other methods of body mutilation.

Body image and ‘different’ bodies

Some disabled women speak of having numerous surgeries conducted with the hope of a “cure,” when in reality the surgeries may result in increased pain, discomfort and altered physical state of one’s body. The concept of body-image as it impacts on young girls and women with disabilities is crucial, especially when one looks at instances where the functioning of certain body parts must change or be altered, resulting in scars, diminished sensation or radically changing the physical state, e.g., amputation, mastectomies. A common theme emerges between intrusive medical intervention and popular methods of cosmetic surgery: the perceived need to change or alter the “imperfect” body. For many women with disabilities, the message is clear—the way our bodies are now is neither acceptable nor desirable. To be non-disabled is the “ideal”

and along with that comes the additional expectations for the quest for the “perfect” body. Body image, self-image and self-esteem are often linked with the perceptions held by society, family and friends. Disability is often seen as a “deficit,” and women with disabilities must address the reality that the “ideal” imposed by the dominant culture regarding women’s bodies is neither part of our experience nor within our reach. We thus often need to grieve the loss of the dream of the “body perfect,” let alone the “body ideal.” As women with disabilities, some of us experience difficulty in having others identify us as “female.”

Disability and “differentness” results in many of us living our lives from the margins of society. As women with disabilities, we must begin to challenge the perceptions of “body beautiful,” along with the perceptions held by some non-disabled feminists who resist the notion of “body beautiful,” but ignore or affirm the notion of “body perfect.” Disability challenges all notions of perfection and beauty as defined by popular, dominant culture.

We must reclaim what has been traditionally viewed as “negative” and accentuate the reality that “differentness” carries with it exciting and creative opportunities for change. A lot can be learned from the experiences of women with disabilities as we begin the process of reclaiming and embracing our “differences.” This includes both a celebration of our range of sizes, shapes and abilities.

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Black Disabled History

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Before You Ask Someone A Question, Ask Yourself:

Is this something I need to know?

Is this information any of my business?

Is this information something I can get elsewhere, like Google or Wikipedia, so as not to waste the questioned’s time?

Might my question trigger or seriously upset the questioned?

Why do I feel entitled to this information, and why might that entitlement be wrongly assumed?

Am I being respectful, appropriate, and inclusive in my phraseology?

Do I acknowledge that I am not entitled to an answer, and am I willing to accept silence or a denial of information as an answer?

- via bittergrapes

It's not that they're too rude or arrogant if you don't get a reply. Maybe, just mabe, they've answered it a million times before and are tired of it. Maybe the information is something widely available on the internet and still people (more annoying when those on the internet itself) ask the same thing like they're the first person to bring out such a 'clever', 'new' question. Maybe they have the right answer and know what they want to say but just can't put it into words that will convince you.

It is especially important to keep these in mind when you're asking to those people who have to regularly deal with the same questioning and yet suceeding very little in pushing understanding through the questioner's biases and prejudices when answered. Feminists, PoC, LGBTQA, PWD.. (don't know the full forms? I ain't gonna say it this time, Google them.). However, most marginalized people are willing to educate others about their condition because they know speaking out and bringing their problems to light is the only way to awaken a sleeping society. It's only that we as outsiders (and more so if as perpetuators) have an equal responsibility to 'put an effort' at 'finding out' on our own if we can, without expecting them to neatly and carefully position everything into our heads.

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Bits From Books 8.0: 'Contours of Ableism' by Fiona Kumari Campbell (1)

( I'm currently reading 'Contours of Ableism - The Production of Disability and Abledness' written by Fiona Kumari Campbell. I downloaded the ebook from here, a site with a brilliantly large collection. After reading a book once, I generally don't feel like reading it again unless absolutely necessary. So I thought it would be nice to keep a record of some the interesting/important excerpts for future reference, and hence these type of posts. )


//Ableism refers to: A network of beliefs, processes and practices that produces a particular kind of self and body (the corporeal standard) that is projected as the perfect, species-typical and therefore essential and fully human. Disability then is cast as a diminished state of being human.  (Campbell, 2001, p. 44)//

//Whether it be the ‘species typical body’ (in science), the ‘normative citizen’ (in political theory), the ‘reasonable man’ (in law), all these signifiers point to a fabrication that reaches into the very soul that sweeps us into life and as such is the outcome and instrument of a political constitution: a hostage of the body. The creation of such regimes of ontological separation appears disassociated from power. Bodies in this way become elements that may be moved, used, transformed, demarcated, improved and articulated with others.//

//Women talk about being proud of who they are – proud because they are women; aborigines talk about being proud because they are aborigines; gay men and lesbians about being proud because of their sexuality. But throughout the disability movement we are much more likely to hear people with disabilities talking about pride in themselves despite their disability. (Parsons, 1999, p.14)//

//Viewing the disabled body as simply matter out of place that needs to be dispensed with or at least cleaned up is erroneous. The disabled body has a place, a place in liminality to secure the performative enactment of the normal. Detienne’s summation points to what we may call the double bind of ableism when performed within Western neo-liberal polities. The double bind folds in on itself – for whilst claiming ‘inclusion’, ableism simultaneously always restates and enshrines itself. On the one hand, discourses of equality promote ‘inclusion’ by way of promoting positive attitudes (sometimes legislated in mission statements, marketing campaigns, equal opportunity protections) and yet on the other hand, ableist discourses proclaim quite emphatically that disability is inherently negative, ontologically intolerable and in the end, a dispensable remnant. This casting results in an ontological foreclosure wherein positive signification of disability becomes unspeakable.//

//Everyone is virtually disabled, both in the sense that able-bodied norms are ‘intrinsically impossible to embody’ fully and in the sense that able-bodied status is always temporary, disability being the one identity category that all people will embody if they live long enough. What we might call a critical disability position, however, would differ from such a virtually disabled positions [to engagements that have] resisted the demands of compulsory able-bodiedness  (McRuer, 2002, pp. 95–96)

The conundrum, disability, is not a mere fear of the unknown, or an apprehensiveness towards that which is foreign or strange. Rather, disability and disabled bodies are effectively positioned in the nether regions of ‘unthought’. For the ongoing stability of ableism, a diffuse network of thought depends upon the capacity of that network to ‘shut away’, to exteriorise, and unthink disability and its resemblance to the essential (ableist) human self. This unthought has been given much consideration through the systematisation and classification of knowledges about pathology, aberration and deviance.//

//When looking at relations of disability and ableism we can expand on this idea of symbiosis, an ‘unavoidable duality’ by putting forward another metaphor, that of the mirror. Here I argue that people deemed disabled take on the performative act of mirroring in the lives of normative subjects:

. . .

To be a Mirror is different from being a Face that looks back . . . with a range of expression and responsiveness that are responses of a Subject-in-Its-Own-Right. To be positioned as a Mirror is to be Put Out of Countenance, to Lose Face.  (Narayan, 1997, p. 141)

 

In this respect, we can speak in ontological terms of the history of disability as a history of that which is unthought, to be put out of countenance; this figuring should not be confused with erasure that occurs due to mere absence or exclusion. On the contrary, disability is always present (despite its seeming absence) in the ableist talk of normalcy, normalisation and humanness

. Disability’s truth-claims are dependent upon discourses of ableism for their very legitimisation.//

//Internalized oppression is not the cause of our mistreatment; it is the result of our mistreatment. It would not exist without the real external oppression that forms the social climate in which we exist. Once oppression has been internalized, little force is needed to keep us submissive. We harbour inside ourselves the pain and the memories, the fears and the confusions, the negative self-images and the low expectations, turning them into weapons with which to re-injure ourselves, every day of our lives.  (Marks, 1999, p. 25)

..it is important to pause and think about the nature of harm that disabled people experience and the very concept of harm. For instance, is it the impairment itself that causes the harm? If so, we should focus on reducing or indeed eliminating the impairment, which is a common perspective. Such a view interprets disability as harmful in and of itself. In contrast, there is a view among some disabled people that whilst impairments at times cause inconvenience, tiredness and even pain, the primary source of harm is external to the person, situated in the realm of belief.//

//From the moment a child is born, he/she emerges into a world where he/she receives messages that to be disabled is to be less than, a world where disability may be tolerated

but in the final instance, is inherently negative. We are all, regardless of our status, shaped and formed by the politics of ableism... One assumption underpinning my argument is that ableism is essentially harmful and, instead of providing solace to disabled people, it actually involves practices and attitudes that induce other forms of impairment and injury.

The way you see me, it’s not me, not the real me. You see the shambling, the stumbling, the lunge, and you don’t see me. Except for the feet, I’m almost you. But most of all, I’d like a chance to show you the way I see myself, the way I know I am. It’s not that bad once you get used to it. Please, just a day, no, not that – a minute, a second, a second – that’s all I need, a second – you would all love me.  (Bell, 2000, p. 285)//

//Delgado and Stefancic (2000) declared,

Because racism is an ingrained feature of our landscape, it looks ordinary and natural to persons in the culture. Formal equal opportunity – rules and laws that insists in treating blacks and whites (for example) alike – can thus remedy only the more extreme and  shocking forms of injustice. . . .

It can do little about the business-asusual forms of racism that people of color confront everyday and that account for much misery, alienation, and despair.

Applying similar reasoning to the state of disablement, the ‘business-asusual’ forms of ableism are so absorbed into the function of Western societies that ableism as a site of social theorisation (even within critical disability studies) represents the last frontier of inquiry. Disability studies is still preoccupied with debating the distinctions between ‘impairment’ and ‘disability’. Although there is recognition that the term disability can be both culturally and economically constructed, the state of impairment remains under theorised. .. Cultural practices of shaping bodies can affect the aetiology of ‘typical’ human functioning. The ranking of bodies occurs through dividing and partitioning according to clear-cut descriptors of ‘race’ ‘gender’, ‘caste’ and ‘disability’ (Mitchell & Snyder, 2003). Gordon and Rosenblum (2001) suggested that similar approaches to disability, as have been applied to race, might lead to new and productive sites of engagement. They argued that there are likenesses and distinctions in the ways disabled people and other stigmatised groups are named, enumerated, dis-enumerated, partitioned and denied attributes valued in the culture.//

//Hahn (1986) testified that there was a close link between the attitude of paternalism, the subordination of disabled people and the ‘interests’ of ableism:

Paternalism enables the dominant elements of a society to express profound and sincere sympathy for the members of a minority group while, at the same time, keeping them in a position of social and economic subordination. It has allowed the non-disabled to act as the protectors, guides, leaders, role models, and intermediates for disabled individuals who, like children, are often assumed to be helpless, dependent, asexual, economically unproductive, physically limited, emotional immature, and acceptable only when they are unobtrusive.//

//..ableism as a conceptual tool, goes beyond procedures, structure, institutions and values of civil society, situates itself clearly within the histories

of knowledge and is embedded deeply and subliminally within culture. Many people are familiar with the concepts of sexism and racism, to denote negative differentiation on the basis of sex or racial origin; but ableism is generally perceived as a strange and unfamiliar concept and it is important to refute a rigid understanding of ableism from the outset. The intention is not to propose ableism as another explanatory ‘grand narrative’, a universalised and systematised conception of disability oppression but rather highlight a convergence of networks of association that produce exclusionary categories and ontologies (i.e. ways of being human).//

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SkepFem Quickpicks 7.0

[ Content note: rape culture, sexual violence ]

- I found it very difficult to hold on to (and easy to leave) my religious beliefs after I read about the notion of the 'soul' being an imaginary construct. Although I accepted the horrible history of Christianity and didn't want to have any more associations with what it is still doing, the idea of dualism or an afterlife still lingered in a somewhat religious way. This post on Adam Lee's 'Ebon Musings' was an excellent learning. It's one of the first atheist sites I visted, I love his work here as well as on Daylight Atheism.

- The pathology of 'free' India where half of it's citizens are yet to get the freedom - Guwahati incident.

- Have a religious organization working to convert the cripple? You might not want to miss these tips.

- Daniel Tosh made some rape jokes at the Laugh Factory in Hollywood. And got a lesson from Jezebel on how to make rape jokes.

- A little history on the engagement and wedding rings. (warning for newly engaged/married couples: ignore if you don't want to break from that happy mood)

- How do we define a family? A look at American survey results on what groups or living arrangements are perceived as 'family'.
My view I think is just this, ''any two or more people living together and identify themselves as a family''. I wouldn't count marriage, specific sexual orientation or blood-relation as a necessary eligibility requirement. 

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'If they can, you can.'

Often articles and news reports present disabled people doing something (mostly something everyone does) as a source for 'inspiration' and 'definitely you can do it' sentiments. That's inspiration porn. Disabled people are not your ego boosters. Some disabled people can do things other disabled people can't, some disabled people can do things abled people can't, some abled people can do things other abled people can't, some abled people can do things disabled people can't. That's it. Abilities vary, choices vary, support systems vary. To tell someone they can do it because a PWD did it, implies 4 things:

1. Seeing disabled people as inferior. 'Look, if that disabled person can do it, of course you can do it too.'
2. Trivialising the person's problem by saying it's something they can overcome, they just have to try harder.
3. Ignoring the wide range of abilities within the spectrum of human variation. Not everyone can do everything equally.
4. Excluding external factors. Nobody lives in a vacuum. What we do/get is largely influenced by the kind of people we live with and the attitudes held by the society. In an ableist society (one that keeps a closed eye towards the needs of the disabled, like accessibility, inclusion, etc), there is only so much a PWD can achieve with his/her efforts without a conducive environment.

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Identity - It Doesn't Get Diminished By Disability

"Don't forget to put on some earrings, okay? What will people think otherwise", my mom reminded me as we were getting ready to go out.

"Who will think of what?" I asked her.

"Other people about us."

"But why? And why should they think about you when I'm the one not wearing earrings..?" It didn't make any sense.

"Because I'm going with you."

And still it didn't.

                                            
                                        *****************************

Make-up and heavy jewellery has never really been a part of my outfit, for reasons that kept changing with time. I used to have a whole make-up set during my school days but it was hardly ever used after trying out for the first time. Occasionally if I felt like, I would put some eyeliner or use a Labello but not more than that. Not because I hated it. In fact, thought not heavy painting, I did like to sometimes do my eyes more than the eyeliner. But never did. I didn't mind using a lipstick. Didn't do that either. My thoughts at that time were, 'Who cares about make-up when I have bigger things to worry about.' The 'bigger things’ here was my disability. How did my body look like? What should I do to make myself 'appear' more 'normal'? And so on. Yeah, that's how low my self-esteem was. It wasn't just down, it literally had to be dug out.. As time went on, the refusal took a different turn. Now, while I had started becoming more independent, accepting more of myself the way I am and learning to embrace my disability, I was still hesitant in putting make-up or wearing really good fancy jewellery more often. The feelings at this time changed to 'I shouldn't do it. I'm a disabled person and so I should appear/behave according to my limitations.' Social attitudes are a tougher hurdle to deal with and sometimes it can pull you down a hundred steps in an instant regardless of the fact that you’d taken years to reach up till there. Besides, I've always been lucky to have people who encouraged these thoughts, whether they did it on purpose or not.  

And since more recently, I'm ok with what I wear or not wear. I still use very little make-up (mostly none). But it's not the same like before, because now it's a choice made out of preference than pressure from insecurities. I try not to hide away under chemical masks. Of course I have no objection to those who use it, I respect individual choices and it’s not something I would be against to. For me though, it’s more about comfort, convenience and not conforming to imposed (and often oppressive) socially constructed standards of beauty and keeping my individuality in the presence of forces constantly trying to wipe it out. Plus it also helps to understand and beat away many hidden fears. But of course, at times when I really want to wear, I don’t stop myself either.

It wasn’t exactly the demand to look appealing part of the conversation that struck me as odd but the latter half of it. Maybe because by now I had gotten used to the realisation of how much women are expected to be visually pleasing and ‘good looking’ instead of just being themselves. What got me was how deeply instilled this perception is that it’s not just your own body you had to alter but even try to regulate other people’s looks if you wanted to be seen as associated with them. And how perfectly ‘fine’ it was to ask them to do that. Maybe you might think this was only a mother telling her own daughter, so not exactly an ‘other’ person, right? But no, when you’re 20, you are an ‘other’. There was a time when my identity was largely dependent on my parents and what I wore or did would reflect their dressing styles and outlooks. That time, I was 5. It’s not the same when you’re an adult. Now if someone were to look at me and make a judgement on my mother instead of me, surely something is wrong with how they view people, in which case I’m not the one having a problem.  

The thing that actually hurt me was - would she be this easily assertive had I been a person without disability? I don’t think so. How you get the confidence to make demands on other people’s personal matters is when you see them as lower than you and not worthy of respect in their own right. What makes disabled people as deserving of lesser personal choices and rights to make decisions on their appearances and physical expressions? If she was truly going out with her ‘daughter', she wouldn’t have cared what I looked like. The only other way is when you see the disabled person as an extension of someone else and who’s identity is inseparable from the person they may be in any way relying on.

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Nothing About Us Without Us

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